am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
