Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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