ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Operation Purity has been aborted
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
