please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
