and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
