When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
