I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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