we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
worst night to have a conscience
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
