Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
