20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
