Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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