weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife đŹ
Iâve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about âhow to eat assâ. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but itâs needs to chill
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I know you think youâre ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I canât wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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