So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
