There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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