Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
