Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
