I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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