Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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