I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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