There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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