Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
