8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
