his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
