Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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