everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
