You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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