Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
