You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
