boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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