Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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