he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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