Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can feel your judgement through the phone
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
