Will you blow on my dice?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
