one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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