She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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