My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
