is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
