dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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