I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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