careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
