and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
