he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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