This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
