she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
