it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
