Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
