Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
