New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
