i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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