does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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