he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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