Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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