I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
